I have always wondered whenever I see other people cry during praise and worship, throwing their hands up in the air, singing at the top of their lungs, every word filled with so much emotions, what exactly they are feeling at that certain moment. And then I say to myself, will I ever feel what they are feeling? Will I ever feel how it is to be filled with the "Spirit" that my tears begin to fall uncontrollably while I sing at the top of my lungs? How do I get there? How do I become like them?
Little by little as I study His word, discovered His love for me and as I learned to trust Him in all aspects of my life leaving nothing to myself then I began to feel His hand work in my life. Believe me when I say that it wasn't an easy ride. There were a lot of times when I felt like I needed to take control of things. My head telling me that I know better, then something inside me would tell me not to. To give it all to God and let Him take control.
IT. WAS. NOT. EASY. I have struggled and stumbled through it all, with trusting God and letting Him work in my life. There were times when I wondered if what I have been persistently praying for would happen, unknowingly doubting Him and His abilities to make things happen for me.
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
Slowly, I began feeling His presence, His guidance and His love especially during hardships and trials. Vj and I have been together for a little over 4 years now (as boyfriend and girlfriend) and half that time were spent apart in 2 different continents. We both agreed that we will pursue our relationship with God during the time we were apart, prayed every night, read devotions and continued to hold on to God's promises even when we felt like we were both getting lost. Staying positive amidst all the trials was difficult, I heard at service once that, it is better to go through challenges with God by your side rather than go through it alone. There were several times when Vj would lose hope and thought about giving up and doubt God's goodness, saying that he doesn't feel that God actually hears our cries and prayers, he questioned why our situation was never easy. Hearing him rant about his doubts in God crushed my spirit, how can the love of my life, the person I choose to grow in Christ doubt God's goodness? How can he not see His works in the little things in our lives instead of focusing only on getting what he wants to happen, Vj wanted to take matters into his own hands, he wanted to take control. But what if its not yet His time? What if there is something He still wants us to learn? All these questions clobbered my head, if there is one thing I know that is certain, its that His plans are always good and perfect.
James 1:12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because having stood the test,
that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
And then it hits me, I realized that our faith and walk with God are 2 different things. And as his partner, I have to tirelessly encourage him to keep holding on. I've heard it a couple of times before, that a breakthrough happens right when you are about to give up. Oh how long did we have to hold on tight to our sanity and faith continuously encouraging each other to stay positive despite the distance.
John 7:38 Who ever believes in Me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them"
Fast forward to where we are today, Almost 3 months married, a baby on the way and VJ's citizenship finally approved after 3 years and 2 denials and so much expenses in between (blessings indeed come in threes!). Everything we have prayed for are finally happening. All in His perfect time. All because we have surrendered all to His will. And oh how amazing it is to feel His goodness and sovereignty work in our lives.
What we went through taught us how to be patient, to trust His timing and not ours. During our time apart, He taught us to appreciate each other even more because time is fleeting, He taught us not to give up on our dreams, to be each other's strength when the other is weak. And to continue to abide in Him so as to allow Him to work in us.
God does not promise that being close to Him and following His word means no obstacle, hardship or trial will ever come your way, it does not promise a perfect life. What He promises is to stay by your side and go through it all with you.That you are not alone in this world. And when the right time comes, you will be reunited with Him and have everlasting life.
Now, Praise and worship songs bring me to tears and to my knees. I am in awe of His amazing love. And I pray that all of us His children, will find our way to Him so that we may fully experience the glory and goodness of life He has promised to each and everyone of us. There is so much more we have to work on my husband and I, there is so much more to know about God, and we are far from getting there, pursuing Him will never end. There will be many obstacles coming our way in this life, But with God on our side, we've got nothing to lose, we are always on the winning end. 🙏🏼
P.s. Here are some of my favorite worship songs that bring me to tears everytime I press play.